Forum posts you know better than to answer...

When you hang out on bulletin boards and various forums, you quickly learn that there are people who post just to provoke the regulars. Or that there are posters that are a certain cause for irritation no matter what they write even though they really don't intend to, it is just an aspect of their nature to vex you with every breath they take, seemingly. After a while of opening the threads they've started, you begin to think "I'd better not" before you do, because you've started to see a pattern. And then, you simply stop reading their posts.

And then you have those people where you don't really need that period of learning what they stand for and why they're there. You don't need to read ten or twenty posts to see a pattern. In fact, sometimes you know just by seeing the screen name what they're up to.

Like today, when I logged on to a forum for young Norwegian Catholics to read a reply I'd been automatically notified about (great feature, btw!) and saw the name of a new user. I knew what was coming before I even clicked. I don't know... does it say more about the other poster or about me - when I actually replied to the foreseeable negative comment made by someone who called himself "Antichrist" ??? Somethings really are best left alone. Like the tooth that I chipped last week and couldn't leave alone, just had to feel it with my tongue all the time. By the time I came to the dentist the next day, my tongue was all sore. But it's fixed now. Just like good moderators keep trolls away from otherwise decent fora.

That's why I am so pleased with Catholic Online. Toothaches don't stay. And neither do I stay for more blogging, since Cecilia have a teething ache and can't seem to sleep. Good night! (But if your teeth ache from grinding them while reading my posts, blame yourself!)

It's tomorrow and I haven't........

Tomorrow is MJ's 5th birthday. It's not like I almost forgot completely, but I did forget to invite guests for his birthday party. I did forget to send in a picture to the local paper. If this wasn't enough, I have forgotten to gift-wrap his present, and if it hadn't been for the fact that Sven bought him his present on sale several months ago, I probably would have forgotten to buy him one, too. No, I can't wrap it now, because I have also forgotten to buy wrapping paper. But thankfully, there is at least a birthday present in the house. Never mind the lack of wrapping...

I have to bake a cake. I like baking cakes. No, correction: I like decorating cakes. And I like eating them. I don't particularly like baking them. But that has to be done. Unfortunately, my kitchen is a mess. Everything is a mess. I am a mess. I've got the blues, and although I have heard rumours that there do in fact exist people who do more houswork when they're depressed, I am not one of them. I have doubts as to the validity of their existance, to be quite honest.

Five years since my pudgy little baby boy was born! Time flies. And since he is getting older, so am I. Now that is a thought I so do not want to entertain. Getting old and gray-haired and still doesn't know what to do with my life. Regretting everything both done and undone. Yeah, you can see that I have a black cloud over my head today, can't you?

Hey, Black Rain Cloud, don't rain in my batter, OK ?

So much for azure moonlight!

It probably would be a good idea to write in the moonlight since, well, I called my blog Azure Moonbeams etcetera... But in all honesty, unlike some, I am no night owl. I just don't sit up all night.

Well, sometimes I do. Wake up at three or four in the morning. Wake up when Husband goes to bed, or when Cecilia wakes up, and then if the lights are on downstairs and I have to get up to switch them off, you bet I can't go back to sleep.

So, then, what do I do? Nothing productive, like working on my studies. Rather, I check out the message boards to which I am addicted. I have grown tired of one, so I am down to one now. Or occasionally play games online. Like the fun word game Bookworm, from Shockwave. But what I don't do, is blog! I used to, you know, when I were younger I kept a journal. OK, so it wasn't a blog, because nobody knew that a thing like the Internet even existed. (It apparently did, though. But not like now.) Maybe I should go back to writing in the wee hours.

Check back in a while and see...

No, I don't have a life...

It is Sunday. No Mass for me today. Since it is April, all Sunday masses will be held in the evening, and it is too late for the children to go at that time. Besides, taking the three of them to Mass all by myself is a bit too much yet. I have been alone with them this week-end since Sven has been working. I haven't seen him since early yesterday morning - and if it hadn't been for the fact that he was let off early, I probably wouldn't have seen him until ten p.m. tonight; he had to stay with my uncle's in town tonight. 20 km out of the town center, and there are virtually no buses during the week-end. The first that goes into town on Sunday passes by here at two in the afternoon, but if you manage to get into town, don't even think about getting back home... Hooray for "go public transportation"!

I wish I lived closer to town and had the luxury of going to Mass more often, even during the weekdays. To think of how I once lived right next door to a church, and could even walk from my corridor into a side chapel in the upper gallery of the church (we weren't supposed to, since the archway wasn't safe, but we sneaked over occasionally anyway) - and yet I didn't go every Sunday, let alone every day. I didn't know how lucky I was.

These times are strange times. A roommate of mine from the previously mentioned dorm (for lack of a better word) was ordained a deacon last Saturday. At the exact same time, we celebrated a baptism. Some hours later, our beloved Pope, John Paul II passed away. So many things happening - two days before, Terri Schiavo died. It feels as if I have been glued to the TV for the past two weeks. First the Terri Schiavo case, with intense prayers and finally her death, then the pope's illness, and then his passing - then on to the funeral (which was duly videotaped - two different channels, while watching two others)... I need a break from television now.

What I need, is other people. I need to get out, to see people, do things besides the endless chores around the house. The trouble is, I live very isolated, and it isn't just because I live outside of town. It would be pretty much the same if we lived right in the center of the town. I don't know any people. And there is nothing to do.

Cecilia's godmother came over to visit for a week for the baptism. It was so wonderful to have someone to talk to. To hear about other people living the faith. Doing silly things - and quite marvellous things, too. Hearing about a close-knit community. It was almost like having friends. The contrast to my own isolated and lonely existence was so clear that when she left, I got rather depressed. Have to get out of it, though.

But now you know why I'm on the Internet so much. I really don't have a life.